Do I need to text him first? Relationship advice for the hookup tradition

I’m going to be answering a question from the audience today.

I obtained a contact from a woman that is young just lost her virginity to some guy plus they don’t have any sort of established label on the relationship. She really wants to understand what i believe she needs to do about her current dilemma.

She states I don’t know where this guy that I’m dealing with head is at” (they’re both under 20)“ I need advice,. “So I’ve known this person for 2 months now. He’s taken me on a few times. We don’t have name yet but we finished up sex.” that is having

Apparently the intercourse went well but because he’s shy and then he understands that he took her virginity, she seems which he does not learn how to talk to her now, he does not understand how to simple tips to come at her.

She would like to have sexual intercourse with him once more. She additionally wouldn’t mind pursuing an emotional connection about this with him, but because they don’t have a title, they don’t have an official relationship she doesn’t feel like she has the right to kind of push him or challenge him. She’s saying “We could pursue a emotional connection but is it far too late because we’ve had intercourse now?”

Fundamentally this guy’s kind of gone a little cool and weird it seems like, like she has the right to ask for what she wants since they had sex, and she’d like to see him again but because they’re not officially boyfriend and girlfriend she doesn’t feel. That’s exactly exactly exactly what I’ll be today that is addressing.

There’s a couple of of what to have a look at there.


Above all, we’ll get one choice from the real method that is the “tap and space” kind of man. Therefore for females available to you who have experienced intercourse with some guy and then he instantly goes cold and vanishes, there’s a hook-up tradition type thing happening, the thing I recommend is the fact that this is really about taking a preventative measure.

Then moving on – just notching up the bedpost – just hold out for a couple of dates, that’s all it takes to get rid of the old tire kickers if you’re worried about guys just using you for sex and. And steer clear of online apps that are dating Tinder and all sorts of these like quick-hookup apps.

Go satisfy individuals in actual life, throughout your hobbies, throughout your group of buddies – it’ll be notably less likely that you’ll run into the sort of more guys that are predatory. So we get that out for the real method because that’s not what this case is.


Towards the issue that is main. Quick solution: discuss what you’re directly feeling or just just what you’re thinking utilizing the man. Don’t watch for authorization. Don’t sit around looking forward to a name to be created or waiting around for him to help make the next move. Head to him and stay direct.

Be ready to lose him as opposed to make an effort to play it safe rather than do just about anything which may away scare him. Then scare him away – get it out of the way early if he’s gonna be scared away. If he’s good you won’t be able to do that with honesty – being honest will just draw him in for you. You can’t actually lose either means, it is currently predetermined.

Don’t ask for just what you want – let them know what you need, then provide them with the opportunity to react and reciprocate, and a definite course they can follow. The reason by it is as opposed to saying to somebody like “Are we boyfriend/girlfriend? exactly what are we currently? Where’s this going? Can we come across one another once again?” You can easily simply state what you would like, that is “I’d prefer to see you once more. I’d like to simply take this further. I would like to have sexual intercourse to you once more.”

You ought to be really direct using them, ideally face-to-face when you can or in the phone – not by text! I am aware I seem like a classic guy for saying that but text is only the worst type of interaction – it is simply cowardly. But regardless if text is the greatest you can easily show up with, together with your standard of courage, do it.


Just state “Look, i would like this” and present them guidance that is clear to how they may explain to you whether they’re aboard with this particular. As opposed to saying “Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?” It is possible to say “Look, I’d prefer to go into a committed relationship me back with you, if you’re on board with this call. Should this be what you need too, inform me. ”

Make an offer, with here’s just just exactly how you reveal me personally i’m gonna assume it’s a No and I’m gonna move on with my life that you like this offer, and if I don’t see that from you. And you will let them have this down – either you’re keen and right right here’s the method that you would show me personally exactly exactly exactly how you’re keen, or you’re not and I’m gonna carry on on, I’m not gonna chase you.”

Chasing could be the worst because if someone’s scared and they’re in the fence them just makes it guaranteed that they’re gonna run away about you, chasing. Whereas if you say “Look this is exactly what i’d like, right here’s all my cards up for grabs. If you prefer the thing that is same in touch” they’re absolve to determine. There’s no obligation or pressure. They could simply do absolutely nothing should they want, and you’ll leave them alone.